International Love

Starburst candies are sweet, individually wrapped fruit chews. An American cultural heritage. The recently appointed US Ambassador to the UN, Mr. John Bolton recently declared the Starburst Factory in Hackettstown, New Jersey an UNESCO World Heritage Site. Never before have the people of the world experienced such an adorable, affordable melange of soybean oil, absorbic acids, gelatin, and real fruit juice. At a recent press conference in spunky Trenton, Bolton stated "Masterfoods has created an addictive toy candy to pacify young poor kids around the world! We must celebrate our great USA and our capacity to produce crap and profit from it. Spreading international love and globalizing marketplaces from Somalia to Soweto is our masterplan. Keep up the good work Masterfoods USA!"

Mr. Bolton was not available for commentary afterwards though he was spotted hours later crying in a local Dunkin Donuts due to sugar deficiency, a condition often found in lackadaisical politicians.